Wednesday, May 5, 2010

At Home

Woke up earlier this morning. Still very tired, sad at reality but joyful. I hear CharLee downstairs magically practicing the piano, I can't believe how self motivated he is. He is a blessing. Put my exercise clothes on, its a motivating thing, then tried to move slowly from one morning task to the next as to not awaken my anxiety. I feel grateful for a new day. Father has blessed me to live another day. Another day to kiss my Handsome, to applaud and hold my children, and to search and seek my meaning of what I am still here on earth to accomplish.
Last night I still felt the nausea, but knew I had to go. I left kids to Handsome to tuck into beds and I took off. I first made my way to Deseret Book just before it closed. I felt my hands trace over books that might be just right. I drove through the trees of the Alpine Home. Real vivid memories flashed, mostly sweet. I climbed the weather torn stairs. As mom lifted the blind she stood and smiled a grateful broken smile, we embraced a last before she would go tomorrow. We had sweet conversation. i love her. I know Heavenly Father sends his angels, he has to me many times. Came home, late, tired. Handsome greets me, he embraces me and I feel at home. I feel loved in so many ways.

3 comments:

Amber said...

I feel like I'm missing something very important but you are as beautiful of a writer as you are a photographer. I hope all is well....I'm glad it is well in your heart. Loves.

Wyatt said...

I love you immensely, Ash! You're a star, and angel, a fighter, a friend, a true hero, an inspiration, a lover, a beauty and a human who knows how to express herself.

I'm proud of you.

Dunbars said...

Wow.. I loved that. I am thinking of you and praying for you!!! Let me know if there is anything I can do.