Saturday, May 16, 2015

I am...and Not.

 I Am....and Not.

Growing up as a child I was an detailed observer, loved dance, to explore outdoors, art, and loved people but usually I had one or two close friends who I shared my heart with. I have not changed much. As a child and into my adult years it was at times difficult to be a part of a family who se parents much of the time where in the lime light..I did not nor was I comfortable in large groups of people. I felt too much as I quietly observed all I came into contact gave and still gives me anxiety. I feel I always had but now better understand I had a gift. I could discern peoples spirits or their motives and or intentions. This led me to recognize and feel good in people easily but also the opposite...which just scared me..because sometimes I would know things about people without talking with them...I feel or was given the info. This has been a difficult place for me because I love people and have a very caring empathetic heart..but it also would weaken me when I felt threatened or uncertain after I would feel those around me. Some have asked me why are you not more involved in group efforts, or follow in parental footsteps leading classes etc....The truth is...I am not a in the lime light leader...its not who I am. I love others and want to lift and encourage and strengthen those around me but in a more subtle,gentle and not in the spotlight way...that is me...I am naturally more comfortable being introvert observer and connecting one on one. Some ask, then why do you teach free yoga, or children art, or speak in church. The answer is simple...I do not like to and am very nervous to be in front of others, however, when I feel true honest purpose and its in a way I feel comfortable and safe sharing...I love to give. My psych profile categorized me, "The Giver" is true, I love to give...but not for money, not for recognition,or fame,or ego...but for purpose to lift the weary the heavy heads and hands that hang down. I love sharing my testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father because that is the most true thing I know.....that is real. I love sharing with others how to move in their tabernacle of clay because I am teaching the purpose of strengthening it, is to live His will and purpose..that is true..that is real. I share with others at times how to feed their kidlets a bit more healthy, because I was blessed with knowledge and I believe we are raising a light generation that will continue to share His light as they grow...that is true and real for me. I love to share my talent of dance because I now feel I am lucky enough to share it in its purest form..a gift from God with testimony and struggle. I love to share with women their divine worth because I saw the lies of the world first hand as a model in my teenage years and then later watch a loved one hurt deeply by the lie. I love to share realism, honesty and truth. I am not an extremist, I am not a addict. I am not someone who is driven by $. I am not someone who claims all that I have to be is ALL His...everything I am given, knowledge, and realize is because of Him. I love to share...I love to Give...but I am human and I do not like to be in the spotlight. So all who know me and who I share or give to know my hearts to gently,quietly share His light He has shared with me..even when its difficult. The truth is...I am a Mother...and that is my greatest work I can accomplish here on earth.